I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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