We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
