He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
