Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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