Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
