were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
