There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
