is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize