he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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