your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
the raccoons are back...
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