i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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