i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
