Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
