Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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