basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
