Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize