And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
