I only kidnapped one of them. chill
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
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I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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