remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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