We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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