so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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