don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
