Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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