I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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