don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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