He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
