You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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