even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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