This is not my ceiling
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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