I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
