Umm I'm too high to move.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
