I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
