yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
