I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
