the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
