I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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