does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
