even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
