i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize