i think my tv is drunk
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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