Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
