these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
