So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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