I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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