It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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