i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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