You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
