I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
