similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
