I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
