@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
