you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
