Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
