Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
