Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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