dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
