Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
