So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
