everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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