I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
