9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Drunk is not a location!
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