the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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