She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
