I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize