I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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