This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
