..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
