i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
