I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
