I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
