You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
