totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
