I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
