And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
