You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Such a big mess for such a small penis
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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