I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just threw up on my dentist
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
