She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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