If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
