One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
