Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Text me some of your sweat
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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