i permit you to call me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
