marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you never un-have a 4some
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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